They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
