So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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