My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
