Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
jump out the window naked night went bad
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
