God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize