32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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