I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
