Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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