I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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