I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My balls are so social today.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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