he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
