fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
