My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize