yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
