literally had 100 drinks last night.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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