Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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