We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
