i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
