Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
