At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
