You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
