dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
