And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize