he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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