I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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