Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
