i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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