i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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