Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
