everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
