So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
