Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
