I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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