you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
