we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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