This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
