this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
