What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
