I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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