Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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