I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
