he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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