my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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