i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
