Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
