Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
