Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
