am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
