dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
