i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
