I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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