dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
