Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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