Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
