nut hugger
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
