oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
