Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
