there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
