my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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