So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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