New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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