if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need a beard to bite.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My feet surprised me
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