Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
