Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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