I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
