I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Need sex. Gaining weight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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