i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the condom got lost in my hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
