I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
