Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize