you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
